You know the feeling. You are at a party or club and you see a woman that you like a lot. You want to talk to her and then it happens.
Your body seems to go through some kind of weird transformation. It is like you are getting the flu right there in the middle of the party. You start to sweat, you feel clammy all over, and like your clothes hurt being on you.
Your stomach knots up, you feel your jaw muscles clamping, and the urge to run and hide seems to almost take over your legs. Your face gets red, you cant swallow. You stammer when you speak and feel goosebumps all over-painful ones. No, you are not breaking out in diphtheria or small pox. You have a good hearty does of nervousness.
Lots of us go through this, that feeling of anxiety and nervousness when getting ready to talk to a pretty girl. It isnt a pleasant feeling and if you let it, it can make you avoid circumstances where you will meet attractive women and then you are in a bind. Without the ability to meet women, your love life has no chance and you do not want to be that guy. You do not want to be the one who is alone with no hope of being with someone. So what to do? We need to examine the reasons for this anxiety and give ourselves the tools to overcome it. You know it is possible because you see guys who are at ease around girls.
You just need to know their secrets. Breathe At the heart of all those nervous reactions are problems with your breathing. Whether you know it or not, when you see that girl and imagine yourself talking to her, your breathing patterns become erratic.
Your breathing becomes shallow so you do not get enough oxygen, which explains the sweats and the sense of drowning. So the first thing you do when you feel those sensations come on is concentrate on your breathing. Give yourself internal coaching to breathe slowly, with long, deep inhales and then slowly let it out. Do that nine or ten times and your physical traumas will begin to subside and you will calm down. Then once you calm down, you can address your approach to the moments that set you off like that.
Expectations The reason you are feeling so anxious is you feel inadequate to talk to this woman. You see her as a goddess, a princess, and a sexual icon that is so far above you, there is no way you can know what to say to her. So you need to get a firm grasp on who she really is. The woman is not looking to you to be some overpowering lover boy. In fact, most women like guys who are just ordinary people, just like them. They really come to the meeting with you with very few expectations.
They want to know who you really are. You do not have to have lines or play games to get a woman to spend time with you. A deep dark secret of women is that they much prefer a genuine, humble guy who just talks to them as they would to anyone else over some smooth operator with fancy pick-up lines. They Are Human Beings Women are human beings, just like you. Surprise! Maybe you do not know much about romance, but you do not have to.
Women desire companionship, conversation, and getting to know a sweet, interesting guy. Guess what? That is you! So the first thing you do is adjust how you view the woman. Get in your head the image of the girl in your life who is the easiest person in the world to know. It might be your friend from grade school, a sister, or your mom. When you look at that girl in the club, imagine that she is just like the girl who was your closest friend. If you approach her that way, your success with women will be one hundred times better than those playboys.
One way to overcome your anxiety about women who are strangers is to spend time with women you know well. Whether it is at work, school or home, talk to the girl you consider to be a friend and get used to that. As you talk to her, think of that girl in the bar and image yourself having that conversation with her. To be truthful with you, if that girl in the bar was able to be relaxed and at ease with you, like your sister or friend girl is, she would flip for you. Friendship One way to make that anxiety disappear like magic is just to forget about romance entirely. It does not mean it wont happen, but stop trying.
See every woman you meet as a potential new friend and offer them your friendship. No, you do not go up to her and say Will you be my friend, but in how you introduce yourself, how you bring up topics and build your relationship, build it as a strong friendship and the rest will fall into place. Good romances always start as friendships anyway. And the things that make a great friendship work-shared interests, humor, and fun times together-those are the core building blocks of romance, too. If you keep your mind centered on friendship, you never have to worry about picking up a girl or coming on to her.
Your feelings for each other will grow naturally and you will just want to be together. Before long you are going places together, sharing concerts, movies, the park. And then one day you will wake up and realize that, lo and behold, you have a girlfriend and you were not even trying! Trust me, it works. And that is the best possible way to build a relationship. When that friendship slips over into romance and you share that first hug, that first kiss, and come to know your friendship is turning into love, the excitement and joy you both experience will top the excitement of any one night stand or pick-up thousands of times over.
You will look back on when you got nervous and felt like you had small pox and wonder why you ever let yourself get so nervous in the first place.
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